MusICian

this entire week (all weekdays, day and night, except friday afternoon and night) is dedicated to band and primary school kids. teach in a primary school band and you will get a taste of how horrible it can get. for the past 2 days i’ve been stuck in FSPS the whole day doing sectionals and recruits and what-nots. for the next 2 1/2 days i’ll be stuck in RVPS doing combined, sectionals and what-nots. by friday, i should be so ‘deep fried’ that i become ‘crispy’ (chui).

and i’m all set to stay in RVPS for the next 2 nights as well.

i hope all turns out well! i hope my training plan works out; then i can have one less thing to worry about. i’ll worry about one thing at a time since i cannot multi-task as well as women

my dear leaders at NCHS, if you’re reading this, please remember to send both mr png and i a set of your proposals for our internal program by thursday night! i really need to confirm details as soon as possible and also look through what we can use and what we cannot use. so all relevant departments, send us the proposals; including those for the games. in as much detail as possible. darren and yenling, work hard on your conducting! remember that before you can show something musical, you need to have the musical thought in your mind. talk with your hands!

we might need to talk with some of you before the event. maybe through the phone or something. just to get you guys mentally prepared.

ciao everybody, i’ll be ‘missing’ for the next 2 1/2 days!

你Band了吗？:P

on wed night, just as i was about to switch off my lousy laptop and go to sleep, my brother came to me and asked if i was available for a floorball match on thursday morning. since i had planned to exercise anyway, i thought i’d give it a go. my brother needed a replacement for his team mate who couldn’t make it at the last minute; i warned him though, cos i have never played floorball in my entire life, and anything remotely close was hockey in PE class back in my JC days (7 years ago now). so ok, just go for the workout, and see how things go.

the match turned out to be a tournament which lasted from 11 till about 4 plus. i had no idea what was going to happen, just went in when needed and played my heart out. we originally had 7 people in our team; 6 players and 1 substitute, but i heard one of our star players went over to help another team who suddenly had a shortage of players. so there we were, with no subs, playing game after game. 2 games were played with only 1 game’s length to rest in between, then a very long break, then we played. we won all 3 of our league games, going on to the semi-finals. we fought to a draw in the semis and went on to penalties, which we won. then RIGHT AFTER THAT was the finals and we were all exhausted already! fought to a 2-1 loss and my team mates were really unhappy about the way the opponent played during the finals.

you can’t win all the time. but i must say, my team really has loads of fighting spirit. just look at their team sheet: with me on the list, it’s gonna be tough. haha. i played with soccer tactics and pure enthusiasm; i must be the least technically achieved but most irritating player on the court. i didn’t think of anything but to just disturb (keep trying to tackle, and not any other methods you might be thinking about :P) the opponent whenever they get possession. there was only one good goalscorer from our team and the rest also just played with their hearts. so i think that getting to the finals was really a huge huge reward for our team

and then i began to feel the effects on fatigue.

my body is now aching all over due to my crazy workout yesterday. i could hardly walk properly! i guess i must really admit, my stamina isn’t that good. and perhaps i shouldn’t have pushed myself so hard during the tournament! but i was determined not to let the team down lah. now i’m wondering if i’ll be ok later; gotta meet dear in tiong bahru. haha. my poor muscles!

when i recover i want to start training. time for IPPT again

many thanks to khaiyuen, who sacrificed his study time to upload the photos and vidoes. and of course, here’s the link to the video of Elisabeth:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efw6q0MdNh4

enjoy!

yes, sunday marked a successful performing debut on the cornet. even though i didn’t think i played well, but at least now i know i can hit notes better, and that has really boosted my confidence! 1 1/2 months of practising in between events, band teaching, resting at home etc, it’s paying off. i shudder to think how i’d sound on the clarinet now; i shouldn’t be that far off lah. but anyway, i’ve got much to improve too, since my range is extremely limited (low and middle registers, occasionally an F) and my pitch is not that stable yet.

Leonard thinks i’m brave to play cornet with my students. haha. for all i know, maybe my students have already laughed at me behind my back for daring to play even though i sound so crappy. haha!

these few days have been really tiring for me. sometimes i really don’t know why. perhaps it’s because i’ve been travelling to too many places to teach and to do other things. travelling drains me out. oh well.

ok, guess that’s all the concentration i have left. more updates later. i’m beginning to love playing the cornet! but the clarinet is still my favourite lah

today marks a fulfilling end to a not so fulfilling week.

sweetie fell sick on sunday night, monday was just very tiring (and i don’t know why, post Da Capo blues?), tuesday was a bad day meeting my bro’s principal and also a bad day at work, wednesday was a bad day with a not so good interview (in which i was totally stunned and demoralised) and quite an ok time at work (though i wish i had more energy; must’ve been affected a lot), thursday was just strenuous work the whole day and then had to unwind at NUSWS playing the trumpet, yesterday was a super demoralising day; saw the disastrous state of my band.

and so i thought for a moment the heavens was giving my resilience a test.

if i gave up there and then i’d be such a useless bugger. so i decided to just complain it off to sweetie who was such a dear agreeing to meet me even though she wasn’t fully recovered. so we had dinner, had a long chat and had a long walk to city hall mrt, and then i sent her home. felt so much better after that; despite the back of my head pounding like crazy (must’ve been too tired).

today is just a very good end to a bad week!

reluctantly got out of bed at 6plus, rushed down to NCHS for their open house event. settled them in their performance area, ran through some parts of their program with them, then we played some stuff to entertain the crowd in the canteen (even though most of them were NCHS students at the other CCA booths). as expected, In The Winter of 1730 was the favourite. well, they played it best, i have to say, even though i’m not a fan of the composer. performance today was good; we decided to chuck in some faster pieces at the last minute to cater to the crowd. off went peacock dance, chrysanthemum stage and bossa nova breeze; in went old comrades and pirates. and i guess the combi worked well. at the very least the members enjoyed performing (i hope!)!

some of the alumni were back, and also some sec 4s, who graciously played with the band. thank you so much!

so the whole event went well, without major hitches, and i guess everybody’s happy with the whole thing. lunched with a few of the band ppl, then had my cornet lesson at 5 plus. learnt some good stuff, but lesson today was shorter. new things to practice! and some good new knowledge i can apply in my teaching. had dinner with my parents downstairs at the seafood place. didn’t take crab! but we ordered sheng mian and hor fun and we couldn’t really finish. too much food! haha. it’s a good feeling having a meal with my parents

so yeah, great end to a bad week. i hope my days ahead will be more fulfilling!

i’ll learn from my mistakes

Da Capo 07 is over, and all in all, i think it was a concert well done. most of the people i managed to talk to enjoyed the concert, and many left good reviews for my conducting. the concert is over! i can’t believe it! and i can’t believe that i conducted in front of so many people (800?) and survived. haha.

i’m glad i took the opportunity to learn from Mr Tan. i’m glad i did not give up my passion for music. i’m glad that i pushed on, with encouragement from Mr Png and Mr Tan and many people who thought highly of me. and though i’m still far from the best, at least i have come a long way, and i did my very best on that podium whenever i got on it!

and i’m glad that my mini success inspired some of my ex students

what’s next? many things coming up, and i’ll be most willing to take up the challenge. after all, i have stated my own deadline for carving a career out of band directing, and i will make things happen before the deadline’s up! no, i will not be satisfied being only an assistant conductor forever. but of course, that does not mean i will give up my assistant conductor jobs! that means i will take up more jobs when they come. gonna give it my best shot!

many many thanks to NUSWS and its members. for bearing with my nonsense, my growing as a musician and conductor, my times of uncertainty, and watching me as i waved that baton that doesn’t make a sound. i thank also people who didn’t think i’ll be good; because that gave me an extra desire to prove them wrong. i thank the people who always believed i would make it; because that gave me an extra desire to prove them right. haha.

and i thank sweetie, for always being there for me through my ups and downs, and for finally watching my conducting

Da Capo 07 was a success! did you go? hope you enjoyed yourself if you did!

gratification came in many forms today. my hard work has finally paid off! and it was the simplest form of gratification i can get; a "good job" from a few people from the Wind Symphony. and that is really the best form of gratification i could get. after all, on the podium today, i put in my heart, my soul and my total concentration.

and gratification came in a form of smiles/grins from sweetie. and in the form of a Terra Naomi CD i ordered from the UK (it’s really very very good man, go to youtube and search for Terra Naomi!!). and in the form of a bowl of unhealthy noodles for supper.

i had a truly fulfilling day today! and if i was previously stressed up, all the stress just disappeared after a total of 6 hours on the conducting podium today; 3 hours NCWO, 3 hours NUSWS. i ran through and fixed problems for the NCHS open house, while also doing 2 easier pieces in SOE, for the young ones. then at the technical rehearsal, i helped Mr Leonard Tan conduct the entire repertoire for Da Capo (except Nitro and In a Persian Market). in terms of music, i have done some work on not so tough repertoire, and also some work for very difficult repertoire. i feel my soul being fed today, while i put my heart into the music!

and seriously, i have been worrying for nothing. after tonight, i know that i can do a good job tomorrow! but still, i pray that Mr Leonard Tan doesn’t fall sick!!

the only ‘punishment’ i received: a fully sore arm no longer capable of even typing an sms! after this post is up, i’m gonna rub ointment on it man.

i’m so excited! i’m gonna get a cool haircut tomorrow before the concert

yes, i’m nervous for saturday’s conducting experience. yes, i think i did reasonably well for rehearsal just now and it really felt rather good. no, i didn’t manage to be at my very very best because i was suffering from indigestion. no, i’m not going to wear that white blazer you saw me carrying; it belongs to my friend and another friend asked me to pass it to the owner. no, i’m not stressed because i did badly during rehearsal (i really think i did ok). but yes, i’m stressed.

i dunno. i was really really tired. am. am still. and i guess i was too preoccupied just now to make the best of decisions. so there goes another ‘happy’ day.

i can try to be happy. for people. for myself. but sometimes, it just doesn’t work this way. it’s not that i’m upset about something. it’s just, i’m not in the ‘happy’ state right now. doesn’t help that my body is starting to react to stress bugs. lethargy, concentration lapses, indigestion, etc. i just wanna look good, feel good, and do well on saturday; is that too much to ask for? it’s mind-boggling sometimes, how some small things can change a person’s mood immediately. well maybe what we perceive as small isn’t that small in others’ eyes. one man’s meat is another man’s poison.

i can’t say i’m not confident for Elisabeth. i’d be lying. at the same time, though i feel rather confident, i am bogged down by other things. like the open house event next saturday (dexter not around to be a pillar for the band; not that i don’t trust geraldine). rehearsals, though quite pleasant, left much to be desired with a few sections. but well, there’s still time for work, and i won’t give up.

many things i have to really tackle once Da Capo is over. i’m seriously at the turning point of my career. make it or break it. about 1 1/2 more years to go ahead and prove i can survive in this career. make a decent living. give decent training to kids who all deserve a proper education in music. so much unfulfilled! but i’m getting there. don’t wanna stress myself out at this point of time. i’m getting there. success should be more gratifying in smaller steps!

anyway, let me totally digress and end the post with a quote from Mr Leonard Tan:

"Find your center. There is a center in every single one of us where the soul resides. This is where music and musicality comes from."

you know, i love NUSWS practices because Mr Leonard Tan always gives us music, while also drawing the music out from us like a charismatic snake charmer. ok, bad analogy, but you get my point. and he always gives us these kind of quotes; quotes we would all be willing to die for. isn’t this how we keep our passion for music alive? thank you Mr Tan, for one exciting year of music making with NUSWS, and of course, we look forward to many more years of great music making with you!

so… find your center!

out of boredom and sheer randomness, i chanced upon this dating personality test on erina’s blog. and again out of boredom and sheer randomness, i completed the test and got my results, which i’m going to display right here on my blog (after censoring certain words, since some of my students might read this and go "Orhhh… Mr Lum!!!")

here it goes!

The Boy Next Door

Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLD)

Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You’re looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it’s sweet.

We think the next three years will
be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative
side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a h***y side just
waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships
unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If
you’ve had some things not work out before, so what.

On paper, most girls would name
the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however,
you’re often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You’re
the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you’re
doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a p****
to hold.

More than any other type, Boys
Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love,
but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to
be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.

Always avoid: The Nymph (DBSD)
Consider: The Maid of Honor (DGLM), The Peach (RGLM)

here’s the link, if you’re bored and random like me: http://www.okcupid.com/online.dating.persona.test

world-class conductor Carlos Kleiber, known for his perfectionist conducting technique and self-criticism, said in a Sudfunk-Sinfonieorchester rehearsal for Johann Strauss’ Die Fledermaus:

"It is very difficult to say: let’s take care of the technique and then we play with expression. Because, strangely, the technique IS the expression. If the technique skill is there but without expressiveness, it is nothing."

which really means even if i wave my arms around with all the passion in the world, i am still going to get a huge mess of sound. since the technique IS the expression, i really have to put my heart and soul into the technique. then the technique will BECOME the expression!

today, we learnt about the paradox of music making. we have to be free; yet we must also follow the rules. we have to be expressive; yet we have to keep rhythm tight. we have to observe intonation; but we cannot think too much. we must let our sounds sing through; but we cannot upset the balance of the ensemble. wow. music is seriously so much like life. and to many people like myself, music IS life. it is what makes us wake up every morning (quote from Mr Leonard Tan)!

these being said, today was both a happy and depressing day at the same time.

soccer in the morning, played well, was happy with the whole session cos my team threw in their best efforts. got back to a lunchless home, had to whip up something from nothing. did fried rice which tasted super bland cos i forgot the soy sauce and the pepper. practised the cornet for a while, Leonard called me and we went for dinner at Crystal Jade. discussed many conducting issues, got quite a lot of great info from him! went to NUS and did a conducting session with Leonard and Martin, learnt new things, new techniques to use. conducted Elisabeth with Leonard beside me on a high stool; he guided me through the piece, reinforcing loads of stuff we discussed. most hyper session of Elisabeth ever, and also the shortest. got back to my seat in the ensemble, played E-flat clarinet till the end. got home in Sweetie’s parents’ car, and ran through Elisabeth in my head once, while physically beating through it with the technique acquired.

i was happy with my performance today. but somehow, after hearing some comments, i began to feel depressed again. i mean, it’s really encouraging and discouraging at the same time. i know i’ll be ok, but i just can’t help feeling discouraged every time. i’m irritated with myself.

my friends tell me i’m doing ok, and that i should just not be so affected by my own performance. but i somehow got stuck being depressed again. i hate it. i need to snap out of it. and i need to be less affected by criticism. i just need to turn those criticism and suggestions into useful ideas i can use. after all, i asked for them, so by right i should really have had the mental preparation to deal with them.

maybe i just need more mental strength.