1 more week… i must be at my best!
frankly, i feel pretty crappy. i dare not say i have all the talent in the world, neither do i dare say i am already a good conductor. it’s been a few rehearsals now. and Elisabeth is not at its fullest potential. simply because there is always something that i could have done each rehearsal, but i simply missed it out. it’s been rather depressing; even though i’ve got people telling me that i’m improving, but still there are a million other things which i have not done right.
seriously, when i thought i was all geared up for criticism, i realised how big my ego really was. and when i thought ego was never a problem with me, i realised it is. am i too proud to admit i’ve made mistakes? haiz. actually, it’s not that i cannot admit that i made mistakes. it’s just that week after week of criticism, though requested by me for my own good, is seriously hard to swallow. humble pie is difficult to eat!
i dunno. suddenly i felt very depressed. am i good enough to bring Elisabeth to the audience? am i good enough to deliver a splendid performance? am i good enough to play E-flat clarinet for the concert (i keep missing notes today)? am i expecting too much from myself?
as i type this, i suddenly remembered a quote Leonard said during a random practice with St Margaret’s:
"It is not about how good you are now. It is about how good you want to be."
i take heart in that. and i guess that is what lifts me up when i’m down, especially when i see obstacles like this. so whatever the case, i will do my very very best, and on 27th October, 2007, i shall bring my best rendition of Elisabeth to the audience, whether they came to support me or not. because the audience deserves the best, always.
so i will take all the criticisms i recieved, use the good ones, and bring the best to the audience. and i will also use these in my band teaching, so that my sweetie’s and my dear friends’ precious saliva have not gone to waste!
hope to see you at Da Capo 2007; give me chance to show you my best!
October 19th, 2007 at 7:41 am
hey. if it counts for anything… im sure you’ll be wonderful. you have the talent, determination and motivation to succeed.
even if this concert doesn’t turn out perfect, it doesn’t matter - each performance is a an opportunity and process of improvement. i would say, you’ll get there eventually, but there isn’t a ‘there’, your aspirations and aims will keep rising, no? so you’ll just keep improving and getting better, and thats all that matters right? 超越自己.
personally, you don’t have to deliver a ’splendid performance’, you just have to put in your heart (: im sure you’ve given what you can and thats all that matters, every member will realise that repay it by reflecting that passion you show! and the audience will feel it too. (eh im sure u tell your students also right, it doesn’t have to be technically perfect, it just has to FEEL perfect.)
elisabeth will sound great. if it doesn’t i’ll buy you dinner
and you always sound good on the eflat lah. what are u worried about -_-
take care (:
October 19th, 2007 at 7:43 am
my grammar is SO off. grah. but the gist is comprehensible lah.
October 20th, 2007 at 8:30 am