updates and a shocking day…
of course, i am officially a graduate now. and i celebrated hard for a few days in a row i guess; friday with my mom at central shopping center, saturday was with friends in orchard, sunday soccer mania, monday at JB for cheap contact lens and a movie with ARX. after that was work and work. and had good talks with sir about my plans for the future. looks like i’ll wait for the next batch for the NIE band conducting course! will gain more teaching experience in the meantime. slow and steady.
the past few days were all pretty decent, even though i was really busy, but i spent good time with my friends and family.
but…
i had absolutely no mental preparation for the shock that i had to go through today.
totally unexpected from someone whom i care about. and it happened just when i thought all was fine; out of the blue, out burst a question. and another question which stabbed at my very pride, and it was one that pushed me over the edge of sanity, as i had absolutely no idea how i should answer that, or if i should even answer that at all. my pride was totally shattered; overcome completely by shock, i chose to walk away for a while. a while became a long while. then the call came and i went back.
and there came another horror. the walking away before i could even collect my thoughts properly. stupefied, i loitered in the airport for a very very long time, sitting completely dazed at the waving gallery for a few hours before i finally decided to snap out of it and looked for solace in an old friend. and reliable, this friend was indeed; he turned up less than an hour after i messaged him. and i couldn’t say much to him. didn’t tell him much of what happened. just had supper (tasteless famous tasty tau huay in geylang) and chat a bit about other things. and went home.
have things changed? have i gone overboard?
frankly, i still can’t understand what hit me.
and i heard absolutely nothing from this person after the incident. i feel so lost and defeated. to something which i absolutely cannot fathom. and this time, i feel that i really didn’t deserve what hit me. tell me i’m wrong, and i might just feel better. because i probably wouldn’t be able to take it if things have really changed…
cry me to sleep. or whatever works.
