MusICian

after a series of chats, a whole series of events and lots of good food, i finally made up my mind; i want to continue my career as a music educator in the local band scene.

this came after the dialogue session with the SYF Central Judging adjudicators, and i learnt that all the things that they have suggested to us (ways to improve the band sound, etc.) have been taught to me at some point of time in my life, and i actually have a wealth of good experience behind me as a player to know how to teach other players to play well. this is also of course, after some assurance and reassurance from my teacher that i’ve been doing a very good job as assistant conductor at nan chiau, really making a big difference in their music. this, as you probably can tell too, means a lot to me; i have been lacking confidence in my teachings, but very frankly i do not doubt my ability anymore!

and after all these, i realised how much i can still give to the local band scene, and i refuse to give up just like that! since i took up the baton at nan chiau last year as an assistant (in mr png’s terms, partner) i’m glad to say that i have indeed matured a lot in terms of conducting and also managing a band. i know that i’ve still got a lot more that i can do for nan chiau, and that includes fighting together with mr png, side by side, for that coveted gold medal in the next SYF! i still have lots of things that i look forward to teaching the ensemble, to always teach and re-teach, educate and re-educate every batch to become the best musicians that they deserve to be (as long as they have a burning desire to be good musicians).

hence, i have set my eyes on a tough but extremely rewarding line of work; band conducting.

and i have also sworn silently to myself that as long as i have the desire to give these enthusiastic musicians my best, i will stay with them all the way. i will fight for my position as assistant conductor, and i will never ever leave you guys. this is my promise to you, NCWO!

life is gonna be tough, but hey, since when life isn’t tough? i will find a good way out, and carve a niche for myself (allow the cliche). because i have a burning desire to take over as the next generation of conductors in singapore, of course without trampling over the current generations whom i have lots of respect for. i will continue to learn and teach at the same time, growing more mature in terms of musicality, conducting, playing and man-management. i have confidence in myself!

and i’ve never been so happy before! because i know exactly what i want to do now and for a long time to come, without sacrificing my responsibility towards my future family

There is nothing like a proper, lifelong education in the language of music. Take up the education and be inspired today, for the betterment of tomorrow’s music

very contrasting topics in the title, i know. no choice, no energy to update yesterday!

beautiful sunday’s over, not very well played, but ok. sounds good, but expression was not that good. and i guess we didn’t do too well, the percussion section! but ok lah, still quite nice and enjoyable. it must’ve been 3 or 4 years since i last performed as a percussionist! still fun, still unforgettable. but it was the first time i had sweaty palms on stage. haha. must’ve been too nervous.

NCWO ppl came! and got mr png and i a very nice card each! sweetie thinks the cards are really creative and look fantastic! and she says that NCWO ppl are really ‘you xin’ (got heart, ie. sincere). and i got a nice flower too

and victor says sweetie and i look more and more compatible everytime he sees us together

also had really nice photos with the mus’art clarinetists, even though i was holding drumsticks instead! this beautiful sunday we had a FULL section, boasting the Eb clarinet, Eb alto clarinet and also the Bb bass clarinet! only lacking the contra-alto and contrabass lah. haha.

16 clarinetists!! mr chua wasn’t here, and i’m only joining my ‘alma-mater’ for a photo. haha. don’t think my drumsticks can pass off as a clarinet lah huh.

SYF 2007 update! today i heard about 9 bands, starting from dunman high. i thought the judging today was strange, because dunman high played really well, and they got a silver! seems like a hua chong case. they played ’samurai’, and it was really impressive, but somehow didn’t get the gold. another major upset was bedok green, who did relatively well for ‘king across the water’, but still managed only a bronze. strange??! i think they deserved a silver!

PRSS went out there and did a good job today! good ‘green hills fantasy’, but i believe they can play even better than that, because i’ve heard them play better! but still, good job, deserved the silver, and i’m happy for you guys

SYF 2007 will be over real soon, and the major ‘exam’ for us conductors (as samuel tan puts it) will be over in less than 24 hours! the joy/pain might last even longer, of course, and god knows what will happen to our jobs, but we have gone all out and given nothing but our very best, and i’m just glad to close this chapter! this SYF means a lot to me as it’s the first time the secondary school band i’m co-teaching is going for the competition, and they played well! we’re happy

still some underlying tensions yet to be solved… i hope the dust will settle real soon, and i will hence know my fate.

i really should complain to friendster. the blog sometimes cannot be updated, and it doesn’t allow me to retain whatever i’ve typed when some error occurs. and my internet connection is killing me.

anyway, SYF 2007 is finally over for NCWO. we got a silver, and according to many, a silver with honours. haha. but i have to say, NCWO played well, and rock the hall we sure did! there must be some things the judges spotted that we did not, and judging by the other results of the competition, we got a fair and well-deserved silver. too bad they did not include our ‘honours’!

this year the standard has been raised quite a lot, and many band scene giants suffered. so far only one gold with honours. scary! we can’t complain. 2 years ago, medals were too freely given. my theory can’t be too wrong, i guess!

i do have to say, NCWO, regardless of the result, we are all proud of you. you have really given your very best, and nothing but the very best, and we appreciate that. let your tears flow but not too long. we really did do very well! and i wasn’t lying when i said i was nearly moved to tears; only pride and consciousness stopped me

and after such a long journey, i realised that i’m worn out. seriously worn out. couldn’t really teach fengshan with my fullest zest today. and i have also been trying to stay strong for everyone. it isn’t easy, i must say, and i’ve been hurt by many unfortunate things that have happened. frankly, i don’t know how i managed to hold up my smile on the podium while conducting NUSWS this morning. i am not happy, and it isn’t easy (cloud, does this feels familiar…?). i have to take on the role of boss many times, in charge of many things i have no clear instructions to. i had to conduct a band who didn’t watch me too much this morning, (though it isn’t really their fault) and still smile even though i’m rather heartbroken inside.

mr leonard tan is right. the toughest part of the job is to handle heartbreaks. when your kids think that they have failed to deliver. it really breaks my heart too. for this SYF, i have given all that i know possible. i know the result is unavoidable, but somehow the result spelt trouble for me. i’m not happy. whatever that i have lacked in expertise, i have always replaced with extra commitment and dedication. in terms of music, and how the students respond to me, it has been fantastic, i must say. somehow my limited knowledge and expertise got them somewhere, and with that, i am pleased. but i’m still unhappy nonetheless.

but i shouldn’t allow this to affect NCWO. you guys maintain your high spirits, and heal those who are still feeling down! i will be ok. as usual. i just need some time to come to terms with my current situation. and also to come to terms with myself. right now i’m just one super confused soul. but i refuse to give up searching for that glimpse of hope within myself!

just give me strenght.

NCWO, despite the result, very good job done at SCH today!! i’m very sure we did rock the hall, always in our very special Nan Chiau way!! i know a lot of us, including myself, are not satisfied with our silver, but we shall wait for the judges’ comments to come out before we curse them, alright? i’m sure there has been something that they noticed that maybe we haven’t checked that is sufficient to damage our chances of getting a gold!

anyway, judging by this year’s standards for the 1st 3 days, i don’t think we should be sad. we have come this far, done this much, and we really should be very happy to get a silver at this batch where a huge number of bands got relegated to bronze. this is a very shiny silver! and we should be proud of it. not satisfied? then we will fight together once more, side by side, in 2009

i will stay strong for all of you. SYF may be over, but i’m sure whatever we have learnt will stay with us throughout our lives. there were moments when i wanted to just cry when i saw so many of you hearbroken, while being heartbroken myself, i told myself i had to stay strong. for all of you, for Mr Png. so i did. and so today you guys did not see me shed a tear. even till now, i have not shed a single tear, and i want you guys to know that i do not have any regrets for our performance today. so you guys should not regret too!

same thing as previous post, i’m extremely proud of all of you. when i sat there, your music sincerely moved me, and i’m so glad that i was able to play a part in the shaping of such a wondefully finished work, in a very Nan Chiau way! no doubt there were flaws, but we all know we tried our very best. so with this spirit, i hope we can do Con Fuoco II with a very focused mind and a very united heart, and make Con Fuoco II a very much bigger success!

and Mr Png and i will continue to stay strong for you guys

take good care, and see you all the next band practice

SYF is tmr! can you believe it?

just came back from what must be one of the most tiring days in my life, but i’m rather happy. because today i heard the most emotionally charged 7th Night of July ever, and i must say, my goosebumps were all out conducting you guys!

we will definitely go for glory. whatever happens tmr, i just want you guys at NCWO to know that i’m really really proud of every single one of you, and that we have attained today what we have set out to achieve in terms of sound, ensemble awareness and expression. we will sound great tmr!

whatever happens, Mr Lum will be right behind every single one of you

yes. it’s official. i’ve zonked out. assignments caught up, band teaching draining me up, but i’m still sober and focused. but i’m so sorry for flying kite on dear because i’m so tired and yet have to finish my assignment in case my lecturer gives up and fails me for the semester!

nonetheless, i’m very focused on what i want to do these last few days towards SYF. other than getting that term paper on linguistics and music done.

firstly, and which i have already done, check on the people who are in our ‘pending’ least and confirm who’s in and who’s not, and also which bars are in and which bars are not. understandably upset a few people, and inevitably causing some hurt to myself too, because i can’t bear to take a few of them out; they have worked so hard! nonetheless, i’m extremely proud of a few of them, namely lay wen, adrian, xue er, yen ling and jing ting. they have worked hard to get where they are, but due to the particularlity (allow the coinage) of the competition, we have to take some actions.

and of course those in the competition. i am proud of a few of you, who have worked so hard to be good. no more mentioning of names, lest you get distracted by my comments!

to the NCWO SYF band, we are almost there! great sounds, despite some sick bug floating around and affecting most of you. great sounds despite seemingly low spirits in a few people. these sounds, once really polished (almost already!), will get us our gold. i’m confident! and i will be right behind every single one of you there. we will rock SCH, in the right way, the very refined NCWO way!

chords are really beautifully played now. keep the awareness!

ok, time to concuss, and wake up early tmr to complete my term paper (=.-)