MusICian

recently (actually, last tuesday) i just celebrated my 25th birthday and 1st official anniversary with sweetie in spectacular fashion. despite being ill, we did loads of things including watching ‘The Last Dance’, shopping for books, shopping for cuff links, having a great dinner at New York New York, having quiet moments at esplanade and finally VCH. a wonderful day! recieved two unforgettable gifts from sweetie:

yeah, here goes the presents. i also recieved two very exciting gifts from the NCWO saxophone section, and a big hand-made card from the rest of the band!

thank you, NCWO! you’ve made my 25th birthday interesting, and you’ve really cheered me up on a stressful day!

and of course, thank you dear, for making my 25th birthday celebration such a wonderful one! i truly truly appreciate what you have done for me

well, that is the happiness part of course. but i’ve yet to come to the stress part.

somehow, i’ve been expected a lot of things recently. and of course, i have been expecting a lot from myself too, with regards to giving more in band practices and playing well. ‘Danceries’ is still in a complete mess for me; i still can’t hit the high notes properly without squeaking. still haven’t figured out a lot of running notes despite concert being this saturday. and somehow my mom has this habit of slamming the door and the phone on me when she doesn’t get what she wants (like getting me to drink her soup). and somehow i just couldn’t satisfy everybody at the same time. of course that’s not possible, but i didn’t need unreasonable treatment. yesterday i was so stressed up that i wanted to run away from band practice halfway. and definitely what was going on inside didn’t help at all. misplacing of a file, seating arrangements, rotation of parts without my involvement etc.

and it seems that suddenly lots of expectations sprung up. so, what really is expected of me? i’m almost running my life in such a way i have no time for myself. i’m almost ignoring all of my own pressures just to make the people around me happy. what more can i do? everybody has their own things to be stressed up about. why take it out on me? am i that undesirable a person that always does things wrong?

pardon my outburst. it’s been very much a roller-coaster ride for me this whole week. from the night i had to sleep in the living room so that my brother could recover from fever, till i fell sick myself, till i had to deal with my mom, till i had to deal with lugging the alto clarinet to eunos and back, till i had to deal with everything myself while people around me don’t understand. what more do you want me to do?

happy belated 25th birthday to me. i guess it really means extra burdens upon my weakened shoulders. i’ll deal with them. with or without understanding, i guess.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 28th, 2007 at 8:51 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.