MusICian

i was officially left with $2 before i recieved $10 from huili. i was starving like mad but i couldn’t afford anything proper at bugis junction. josh had to give me a treat. i’m sick because i’m heavily overworked but i can’t complain to anyone, because everyone i wanna complain to are having problems of their own. i just vommited while bathing and i couldn’t do anything about that; work still goes on tmr. i’ve worked for quite some time already, but i’m still broke because the schools haven’t paid me.

i’m upset because however hard i try, i can’t seem to bring joy to the people around me. is life that bad? must life be that bad? and despite trying to make life better for others, people around me make life worse for me. i’m still sore about the shoe, yes, because i always buy my own shoes and i’ve always taken good care of them. now they’re spoilt and i haven’t got a replacement. i haven’t got the money to get a replacement. i don’t even have enough money to eat, for goodness sake.

i’m upset because i didn’t get to see the most beautiful smile in the world. but it wasn’t anyone’s fault.

i’m upset because i’ve done so much… yet the results are so little. i’m only human. i need joy too. maybe i’m just giving myself too much pressure. expecting too much out of myself. but there’s just too much at stake. how can i just continue to take money from my mother like this? now that i’m earning this much but nothing has gone into my pocket? how can i continue to smile when i’m already mentally exhausted? how can i even expect myself to bring a smile to someone’s face when i’m simply too tired to smile myself?

it’s unfair. just too unfair.

give me a break.