MusICian

now that accelerando (NUSWS concert) is over, i finally have a good rest day. did nothing constructive but rest and play pool with mr png! it’s been ages since i had a good rest, and i’m also quite glad i didn’t force myself to travel to fengshan for that $120. might have just sat around for that money. but well, i’d rather not. not that i had a choice; i was so tired i couldn’t wake up on time! every muscle in my body is telling me that i need the extra rest, and that’s what i eventually did. and i’m glad!

accelerando was quite ok. wasn’t as bad as i thought it was going to be. recieved a nice, cute flower from huili! and 3 rare guests came: hongliang, jolene and her boyfriend. thanks for coming! however, a few unsettling news came right after the concert, though; 3 flutes were lost and dr mac is leaving us. we have no idea who our new conductor will be! i really dunno whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing. hopefully the new conductor will be a great one. then perhaps i’d stay on.

am dead tired! crazy crazy day yesterday. finally got that project over and done with, and i’m going to finish up 2 other projects too. yesterday at nan chiau, the recruits really disappointed me. so far they’ve always been a fun-loving lot, and they’ve always been working hard quite eagerly. they’ve always enjoyed band, and i know i shouldn’t ask for more. but i’m sure given their potential, they can go so much further than their seniors. but they are getting lazy and their playing is deteriorating. had no choice but to reprimand them; under the hot sun too. it just happened that we had nowhere for footdrill, and so we were at the hot parade square. anyway, i felt bad after that as i saw a few of them were not feeling well after that, so i brought them to the bandroom to listen to their seniors.

was then quite disappointed in the seniors when i took them for the performance pieces… i thought they could play ‘into the storm’ well already. i wrongly assumed and i think i’ll have some difficulty next thursday when i conduct them. but i’m more disappointed that they’re not really cooperative. i really hope to do better music with them! well, i know that isn’t really my area, but i just hope to make good music with whichever band i’m with, be it me playing in or teaching the band.

and needless to say, it was a crazy travelling day.

now that the events have passed, i really need the ritenuto. a molto ritenuto. i’ve been working too hard; i really need to relax too. i know, i know, the exams are around the corner, the diploma exam too, but hey, i really deserve this rest, right? just look at how hard i’ve been working! now that NUSWS is taking a break and several projects are almost done, i can really slow down my pace. have a relaxing special term (i didn’t manage to get one of my modules… argh) and a relaxing year 3.

and hopefully my mom will be more understanding and stop calling me ‘useless’.

well, meanwhile i’ll give myself a pat on the back via some crazy flexibility test for hanging on. i’m happy. i should be! i’m working hard for my happiness, so i should be happy

meanwhile, a molto ritenuto is much appreciated. if not, morendo will set in. wahaha. check out your theory books for these italian terms

i saw zhang shao han today; she was performing at UCC (i had no idea prior to this)! at first i only saw her back view cos i couldn’t go to the front of the mini stage (tickets were required, and tickets i have not). eventually, i saw her again at UCC backstage with her manager. WOW. she looks so much better in person than on TV.

ok, i wasn’t exactly away, just haven’t been blogging in a million years. anyway, i’ve really been so busy that i’ve got no time for stuff. i’m breathing a little easier now that i’ve got 2 deadlines met. well, the events have been up to my neck now, and tmr’s not going to be any different!

tmr will be a long long day… gotta reach school earlier to finish up the project (some minor stuff to be filled in by the expert; me), attend child language lecture, rush off to nan chiau while trying to squeeze lunch in between, teach at nan chiau and hopefully leave earlier for UCC so that i can catch my breath and some dinner too before the concert, concert starts at 7:30pm, ends at 9 plus. and that’ll be all. finally. but the rushing to and fro is sickening. all that for $90 and a chance to perform. i’m stretching it a little.

tired out! all thanks to a whole bunch of people who couldn’t be bothered to come and help out. my section has zillions of people, but only 2 of us were there to move the instruments. and instructions weren’t given clearly as to which are the instruments we need to bring over the UCC. in the end one clarinet was left out. i don’t care, i’m not going to help them move things back tmr. i’m going to go straight off right after the concert.

ok, shall not be angry, shall not be frustrated, shall not lose my temper. idiots do exist, and i can’t help that. shall be nice. and maybe stop playing for NUSWS after this. haha.

just enjoy the concert. and hope everything turns out fine. as long as we don’t play as badly as today’s rehearsal. like millions of people have said, NUSWS have the potential but they are not going anywhere because the correct mindset isn’t there. stop thinking you are so good when you aren’t, that’s what it simply says. the ensemble doesn’t survive on its star players. everyone plays a part by not overplaying their parts.

pray for a great concert tmr

finally, a good tone to end all my misery! playing at band today was extremely enjoyable despite it being NUSWS. ok, don’t be mistaken, it’s just that these days i dread NUSWS because of the repetition of many parts due to irresponsible members who don’t write things down. anyway, i felt great today! and i finally fixed the cork on my mouthpiece. and finally it doesn’t leak anymore! somehow i just played well, and i thoroughly enjoyed it! i don’t know how that could happen since i haven’t been practising, and i’ve always been having trouble with my tone, but today’s really great cos everything’s fixed!

not that i started the day this happy lah, but i’m glad i did a few things right! made my day. first thing i did right was to decide to meet huili! i realised i really needed the thursday revivals. haha. makes me refreshed and ready to go. second thing i did right was to remember my mom’s birthday, and buying her a card. it isn’t much, but i wrote my thoughts in, and i could tell she liked it! third thing was repairing the cork. fourth thing was producing a good tone. fifth thing was to print all the child language notes. sixth… ok, i’ve run out. haha.

anyway, i’m off to a happy rest! before that, Happy Birthday, MUM~!!!

i don’t mind being this busy. as long as i’m happy. as long as i can stay as happy as i have been these 2 days. i really don’t mind. the important thing is that i work happily, study happily, date happily (obviously i do), travel happily (something i need to work on) and come home happily. it’s tough, but it’s possible. i just have to control my emotions more. and manage my time better. not that i can manage it any better than the current situation. but i’ll try.

staying happy beats anything, so i really don’t mind all these. and please… please give me my pay… $800 over pending! give me my pay and i’ll be happy. my SE k750i… haha.

hopefully i’ll stay this happy till the end of the week.

meanwhile, try not to disturb me while i’m doing stuff

12 consecutive days… 12 consecutive days of band. be it teaching or playing, or a combination of both, 12 days is a lot. no breaks in between. out of the 12 days, 8 are working days. and so far i’ve only been through 4 days. packed up to my head. woke up at 8, if not earlier, every single day. going to wake up at 8, if not earlier, every single day till next monday.

shaun asked me an interesting question today. he asked how do i cope? actually that’s an extremely good question. the answer is i can’t. really. i can’t cope. my schoolwork’s not exactly in turmoil, but it ain’t very good either. my social life… i don’t seem to have a social life anymore. fortunately i still have some time to spend with her. family life… nonexistent. i speak so little to my family members these days. too tired to talk.

ever since monday i haven’t practised my exam pieces at all. how am i going to pass? i seriously can’t find any time to practise at all. even when i do have the time, i’m deprived of the correct kind of concentration i need. because i’m already dead tired when i have time to touch my instrument (when i’m not teaching or having band practice).

i know, i know, music’s my life. if it’s music we’re talking about, that is. band teaching ain’t exactly all about music. especially if you need to yell at your kids all the time. especially if you have irresponsible members in the band who do not take in what you teach and apply them in their playing. most of all they do not get their jobs done.

those who want the resources are deprived of them… ironically… by those who have the resources but abuse them.

unfortunately, the above statement applies to many different aspects of life as well. which is also the reason why i’m working so hard for money. for survival. because people who earn the money spend them on unecessary stuff, when they can help out the household. why should i be branded a spendthrift and also as someone who treats the house like a hotel? why? because i’m working so hard so that i don’t have to be supported?

at least don’t say stupid things to me. that’s the least you could do. and perhaps leave me alone when i’m doing work.

就像山风吹不落雨的夏天
你的心沉入迷蒙深渊
就像春雷敲不醒的一个梦
她的爱无缘无故离开

心情坏只发呆
你的难过不会有人睬
路很长站起来
或许远方同样有谁在等待
你的爱

for you
my dear friends
i’ll be always on your side
当你很想远离痛苦
寻找爱

with you
越过高山和大海
勇敢面对危险
(we’re)on the road again

don’t give up, bro. it’s not true that there’s nothing you can do about your current situation. just give it your best shot! things won’t improve by themselves! i’m not trying to give you more stress. it’s just that if something doesn’t work, you’ll have to try something else. life always works out like this. give life your best shot, like you’ve done before.

there might not be another m5 around, but i’m sure you have no lack of opportunities. opportunities are everywhere, but we need to dig hard for them! and i’m sure, for someone like you who has the drive, opportunities are plenty. as long as you give them a shot.

we already know there are no shortcuts out of rubbish. what’s important is that you don’t give up. give it your best shot, dude. for your family; and more importantly, for yourself.

i wish you luck all the way, and i’ll do anything i can to help. even if it’s just listening to your complaints.

gambatte, my friend!

there can be no greater joy than to put a smile back on someone’s face. especially if it’s the sweetest smile in the world. thank you for believing! the world will not crumble just because something unfortunate happened, so we will continue to be strong and look forward to a better future. because we cannot change what has happened, but we can always give the future a better shot!

my friends, do not give up on happiness. do not give up on the future. the future is ours to take!

right. i refuse to be dictated by negativity. however bad life might be for me right now, i’m doing the right things. i won’t be taken over by these bad thoughts. i need to snap out of it, and i WILL snap out of it. no more nonsense.

tomorrow will definitely be a better day

ok, i spent most of the day recuperating. of course that’s after i went the fengshan and gave the deserving kids a good scolding. so near the competition and they’re still playing a fool. made my blood boil. at least now the percussion is in a better shape! and i’ve saved some face as a percussion tutor. not that i tutor the percussion most of the time anyway.

it didn’t help, though, that i had to travel so far to teach, and travel so far to get home too. i realised these few days i’ve travelled so much. i finally got a good rest today, but at the expense of missing my child language meeting. by the way, i’m supposed to be at pasir ris right now. but it’s about time i had a proper rest. which i did and which did me lots of good too. i haven’t been able to do things right. i haven’t been able to cheer someone i really wanna cheer up. that still makes me quite upset.

tomorrow’s band lover’s sunday. i hope all turns out well.

oh no… am i a terror? i’ve been scolding the kids quite a lot these few practices. and i haven’t been able to do much music with them. i’ve been doing too much footdrill with them. but the problem is that most of the time, the recruits haven’t got access to their instruments. how to do any proper music?

sigh. i hope that she’s feeling much better. cos i’m not, and nobody’s cheering me up.