MusICian

aching… aching… aching… aching…

but my heart refuses to break. for some strange reason, it did not allow my tears to fall from my eyes. it did not allow my emotions to go out of control. at its own expense. with every single ache, i force myself to type this post.

aching… aching… aching… aching…

why wouldn’t it stop? i only want to sleep peacefully. despite the fact that my mind is in turmoil. despite the fact that i may just lose what i hold dearest to my heart. and somehow it feels worse than taking music away from me. i don’t know. i really don’t know.

aching… aching… aching… aching…

she needs to cool down, to absorb what i’ve told her, to recover from her shock. but i’m so afraid that she’s got no one to confide this problem with! and the worst thing is that i can’t be there for her. because i’m the cause of it.

the truth is brutal. but we forget… that it is a fact that my heart is not going to waver, no matter how badly it hurts. it isn’t going to give up. it is not in my name to even suggest anything else other than determination. it is not in my destiny to give in to hardship.

but why is my heart aching so terribly?

dear heart, go to sleep. you’ve been overworked already. stop the hurting, stop the ache. just let the tears flow and you’ll be fine. just let the rage blow and you’ll be fine. dear heart, you’ve been suffering too much. but do not go numb with pain. do not take hurt for granted. you suffer for a reason. you grow stronger. you grow more resilient. but meanwhile, you must let go. bottling up these emotions ain’t helping one bit.

i hate my past. i hope i don’t start to hate the truth.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 16th, 2006 at 8:32 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.