it seems that no matter what i do, i can’t run away from my past. i long for someone to appreciate me for who i am. but it seems that my past always gets in the way. it ain’t easy being me. it sure ain’t easy being me now, because i went through a lot just to make sure i moved on completely. well, that’s life. shit happens, but you learn to live with it. since i can’t run away from my past, i might as well face it. for people who don’t know me, this is my past in a nutshell:
i had a childhood filled with role-playing games like D&D. my grandma looked after me very well and i used to stay with her. back in primary 6, i started to become a latch-key kid. i used to go home early just to play computer games. my brother bullied me by hogging on to whatever that was ’shared’. when i went to sec 1, i was a loner. and i didn’t like to go to school so i skipped school often. the only thing that could make me go to school was band. i was in the military band where much of my character was established. i play the clarinet and drums, by the way.
i had a happy 3 years in band and a very messed up sec 4 because of my horrible instructors who took over when i was in sec 4. i got picked on pretty badly (even though i was the drum major) and that’s where i learnt to tolerate nonsense. i used to get punished for silly reasons, if you’re wondering.
JJC life was cool. band was all the fun i had. fooling around in percussion, playing in a stage band, having fun with the guys. yup, that’s JJC life. ‘A’ levels were stressful, as to be expected. thank god we had wonderful teachers who care about us.
spent my army days after BMT in SAF central band where i was rather despised because of my lousy clarinet playing. that made me determined to become a good player and i trained hard. ended up succeeding the bass clarinetist and having the time of my life as a bass clarinetist. made many good friends too.
wasted one year after ORD because of a very bad mistake i made a couple of years back. finally i got into NUS because i was an NIE reject. blessing in disguise? you bet. i’m having fun in NUS doing my major in English Language.
had 8 ex-girlfriends, most of them bad experiences. if i’m able to choose, i’d wish i didn’t have so many failed relationships. they all ended badly and hence i’m a prisoner of my past. moved on pretty much and i’m now trying to have a new beginning. for a while, i was with my best friend’s ex-gf. maybe we were both lonely? yes, we kissed. and i really regret that. luckily we’re good friends now. and we’ve put the past behind us.
i used to smoke but i quit before i got addicted. quite a mistake to get started in the first place.
my last relationship ended very very badly, but who’s to say who’s in the right and who’s in the wrong? we’re simply not meant for each other, because we think too differently. gave up too many dreams for her. now i’m back on track, striving to be a good clarinetist and a competent teacher.
despite all the setbacks, i still believe in love. the greatest thing you’ll ever know is just to love and be loved in return. really. but my past always gets in the way. it’s no different now. can’t blame anyone. it’s only natural to mind my past.
there you go! my past in a nutshell. speechless? i can’t help my past. that’s why i’ll always be a prisoner of it. whatever the case, cheers to the future. hope i’ll be freed soon.
