MusICian

yeah, i’ll be flying off tomorrow! will be back in slightly more than a fortnight. but i’m already dead beat! so very very tired. still have just a few more things to settle and i’ll be on my way to a great trip ahead!

i miss my kids! so cute, all of them. one of the korean kids gave me a coin from korea! and another one gave me a list of korean words and their translations! i bought them a packet of candy (it was gone in a flurry) and said goodbye to them at 2:45. didn’t have time to stay on! i would if i could, but i really couldn’t. had my train tickets, travel insurance and money changing to settle! i haven’t even gotten the bow tie. and i’m keen on getting a cross for myself. and also ktv! haha. last k lunch before i go holland! won’t have much time for all these when i come back. gotta work hard already! anyways, it’ll be a sweet goodbye to all the study tour kids (they were a terror) and all my obedient and friendly kids. i’ll miss them!

much effort has been put in in preparation for this trip. i will not make this trip a wasted one. i will do my best for the contest. i will do my best for my performance in aberdeen. and of course, i will enjoy myself to the fullest! because it marks a new beginning in my life. because i’ve worked my butt off to earn this trip. and because it is for music and music means everything to me.

so here’s to dreams; may all our dreams come true. may music be with us all our lives.

the rowdy kids are giving me nightmares. i have the twin terrors who always disturb my class, the talkative ones, inattentive ones, ‘i don’t know no english’ ones and of course, i have good, obedient kids. just like any other teacher. well, i really hate yelling and giving punishment. it’s kind of my fault, really, because i didn’t really plan the lessons well. let this be my punishment for not doing my part of the homework! i deserve that.

had lots to laugh again last night. gelare waffles are nice! and i really had lots of fun chatting with candice. learnt many new things about her too. josh and ah liang, as usual, had their fair share of funny moments/jokes. nothing beats a good laugh with friends! what an enjoyable time i’m having.

finally got my luggage! it’s of rather good quality and it can contain whatever my bag’s not going to contain. so cool! but the only drawback is that nobody remembered what the code on the combination lock is, and i had to start testing from 000! took me quite a while to get the damn thing open. when i finally did, i dumped quite a lot of stuff in. this buys me more time. now for the bow tie which i didn’t manage to buy yesterday…

wow, i just realised i’ve got millions of things to do. i’ve settled quite a few things, but there are still urgent matters i’ve gotta attend to. like setting the maths test for TOMORROW… omg. and the english test on WED. i’ve gotta try and give the P3 students some tests too. maybe i’ll leave that to victoria. hand over completely by friday so that i can actually have time to do my stuff. haha.

12:35am. i should stop blogging and quickly set the maths test. so tired after that fund raising dinner performance! sight reading pieces at a performance is bad. i remember mentioning that i shall never do it again. well, i just did. sharks. running notes are killing me! ok, better go.

我以为我已解开这结

从此能够忘了一切

放弃对你爱的感觉

从此能够快乐一些

不知不觉  这样过了一个月

以为时间能暗淡一切

但有些感觉  我是无法改变

对你那份爱的感觉

只好不顾一切放在心里面

I will always be your good friend

直到世界改变  你来到我身边

Up till that day  我只能把你藏在我心里面

直到缘分再来一遍

I will always be your friend

am i ready to follow His plan and become a musician? how can i be sure about this? recently, i’ve been witnessing many ’signs’ that i should follow His plan for me and be a musician; be an entertainer with my music. musicians should always be proud to perform, proud to let others enjoy the very music they enjoy. music’s all about sharing joy. sharing passion. music IS about sharing.

now of course, the other question is do i really believe in Him? i do not know if i’m ready to accept Christ as my saviour, and to give my life to Christ. i’m not sure. but then again, how can we be sure? somehow, the thought of Him is bringing me peace. maybe i should heed the call. it’s about time. about time i seriously consider taking music as a career. and about time i seriously consider pushing the envelope; bringing my standard of playing to a level never achieved before. and also about time i seriously consider walking a life of christianity. lead the christian life. always grateful, always repentant, always ready to help others in need.

oh God, give me a sign. if you haven’t already given me too many.

yup. NUSWS practice was fun, fun and fun! and i finally hit that ‘impossible’ high high C! frankly, i’ve never ever done that in my life. haha. now i know the technique. and finally, after hitting the high high C a few times, i managed to do an ‘opening ceremony’ to my reeds and now i have 2 very good reeds! and i think my tone has improved. i really hope so, because i’ve always wanted to get a good tone. it almost means everything to me. now i have much to work on. i want to be a great clarinetist.

finally settled my air tickets. now to settle everything else. many many things to pack! and i hope i can plan my trip properly before i fly next saturday. can’t believe it; it’s so soon! my very first trip by air. and my very first competition overseas. the moment of my life! i will definitely go there a happy man. oh yes, gotta apply for my autoroam. have many things to settle!

did i just flirt with the new teacher? my god. well, it probably isn’t flirting, is it? because i’d never really flirted before, and have never known to be a flirter. this is really strange. am i evolving? am i mutating? was that me? maybe i think too much. anyway, the school’s gotten someone to replace me as soon as i’m gone. ok, sounds bad. the school’s gotten a new teacher to take over my class after i leave for amsterdam. at least that clears up my unfinished work. now the stress comes… how shall i go about handing the class over? meanwhile, i still need to plan tomorrow’s lesson. they’ve finished most of their maths, so i’ll give them more word problems. they’re still very far behind in english, though. would have to give them some reading exercises. maybe a passage from somewhere.

alright, looks like i won’t be coming back with jennifer and the other guy (i don’t know his name, and i’ve never seen him). my flight back from london is confirmed, and so is the $250 surcharge i’ve got to pay. sigh. costs are increasing! good thing i’ve got this teaching job. anyway, jennifer and the other guy will be taking their flight back from brussels instead of london. i’ll be flying back alone! argh. jittery. current costs are about $1268. that’s not inclusive of my food and accomodation in UK. i’m trying to get CFA to subsidise the surcharge of $250 too. good thing is that i’ll have enough money left to buy better stuff for my friends and family!

hmmm… i’m starting to believe that God exists, and that God knows us and calls us by name. these few years, i’ve been exposed to christianity and i’ve learnt so much about this religion. right now i’m even thinking of embracing the religion. maybe i’m yearning for spiritual peace? heard this at candice’s church performance the other day: "God is never too early or too late. He is always on time". perhaps God is calling out to me now? exactly when i yearn so desperately for a brand new beginning?

haha. people who’ve known me for quite some time must be wondering what the cheeseballs has happened to me. don’t worry. i can assure you that i have no idea too. muahaha.

woah. witnessed the power of FFO. they are simply awesome! the marimba player is very very impressive… so are all the other players featured! i love their sound; warm and full tone, superb technique. damn good! they’re a fanfaral orchestra, so they don’t have any woodwinds except for the full saxophone section. and their main instrument is the flugelhorn. during the exchange today, the individual sections demonstrated their superior playing with certain technically demanding passages. we were simply struck with awe! as an amateur band, they already sound better than some of our professional bands here! great inspiration and motivation.

gotta pay money for the trip already. time flies! 22 more days to departure. suddenly feeling a little apprehensive about the trip! hmmm, things will turn out fine. i really need to find some time and plan the trip carefully. hopefully we can cut down a bit on expenses. and maybe even pay a visit to jordan at UK! haha.

gonna see my class again tomorrow! better get some sleep. sending jordan off at the airport too.

now as i’m slowly moving into a new phase of my life, i’m slowly leaving unhappy things behind. many many things happened these 5 or 6 months. some are happy, most are not so happy. but they all made me stronger than before. i believe that some of my character has been shaped by these events. i don’t know if the new me is better or worse, but i do know that i’m definitely enjoying myself more now! now that music and teaching are back into my life, i feel more fulfilled. i’ve managed to bridge that gap that i took forever to climb out of. now that i’ve fixed the bridge, it’s going to be stronger and also harder to snap.

i can socialise! i didn’t know that. and i actually felt happy socialising. looks like the same old me is coming back. crapping with my section mates, chatting up new people, be friendly to friends of friends, etc. something which i haven’t done in a million years! being friendly. being sociable. make other people feel at home! yes, i could do that if i’m willing. haha. i’ve been wasting this ‘talent’. along with my other ‘talents’. like ‘verbally mutilating my fellow species while limping off the blizzard terrain’, play love songs on the piano by ear and impressing a guy (hongliang… oh my god… wtf), damage someone’s eardrums by playing the clarinet, make a misbehaving kid cry, etc. holy shit, i AM talented!

and yes, i AM terribly crappy. get used to it!

happy birthday to jingying! haha. good day today, except for some not so happy events. eventually everybody got ‘drunk on lame jokes’, according to carrie. haha. and yes! jordan’s performance was great, as usual. impressive every time i listen. gonna miss his lame jokes! he’s leaving for UK. maybe i can visit him there! haha. can visit tonni wei’s home too, maybe?

met so many familiar people! great to see my old friends today. so many of them! julian, ramu, junwen, andrew, dale, etc. woah. today’s meet the old friends day! and of course, the birthday/bbq gang. hongliang, josh, jingying, carrie, peini, jackie and me. well, the situation was awkward. it was expected to be awkward. i really didn’t expect such an arrangement. well, it doesn’t matter. just makes me even more determined to find other flowers in the great forest of love. and now then i realised actually i have so many nice girls as acquaintances! i must’ve been blind.

well, i’m still young. i’m not afraid to fall. i can always pick myself up again. like i always do. and it’s about time i took my clarinet playing to a whole new level. live up to mr png’s hype! if i want to believe i’m a good player, i’d better prove to myself that i can do it. i can be a great player. because i’m passionate in this field. and it’s my first and only love. for now. haha. but in my heart i know that i’ll never stop loving the clarinet. and of course, music, for that matter. how about doing jazz? heh heh