MusICian

and i’m still blogging. i should be revising or sleeping! argh.

argh. exams. they are morbid devices which determine whether you know how to bullshit well or not. they give an inaccurate measure of your level of intelligence. they yield results which do not directly reflect your level of understanding. they rank you in order of your ability to manipulate the questions and suck up to the tutors (sometimes). in short, exams are a whole bunch of crap! and they make us stressed up!

do something, MM Lee!

ok, that was a crap statement. and it doesn’t seem grammatically correct either. but who the hell cares? haha. i need to get something done man. next week’s exams. study study study! mug mug mug! school library’s packed. where else can i study? hmmm…. need to find a good place. home’s no good. once i switch on my laptop, i’ll never get anything done. like now. argh!

whoa. feel super revitalized after the motivational workshop by master sunny hong from taiwan! i’ve learnt so much from him these 2 days! through the laughter and tears, i finally realised that one should not live for the sake of living, and work hard for the sake of working hard; one should really live life meaningfully for himself/herself. life is short, so why follow the maddening crowd in blind, oblivious pursuit?  one should really fight for what one wants, and really do himself/herself proud. i only have 1 life. i’m going to live it meaningfully for myself. my passion. my career. my studies. all for myself.

in the past, i have been doing things for other people. i have been oblivious to my dreams and i dedicated my life to serve other people, thinking that i will definitely get everything back in return. things did not turn out as well as i would like, and i have been hurt countless times. not anymore! this is the time i should really pick myself up from hurt, nurse my own wounds, and carry on fighting. this time, i fight, not for anyone else, but for myself. i am in control of my life; destiny is mine to choose. this time, no one can stop me from achieving my goals. my conscience is clear, my dreams tangible. why should i give myself obstacles? why should i stumble when i meet obstacles? they are all part of the process. i only know what i want.

another important thing i’ve learnt. the value of money. yes, this may seem like money-mindedness to you, but to me, to own wealth is to have the ability to choose what we want and not be trapped financially. what do i mean? what is the real meaning behind that million dollars that everyone wants to earn? very simple. money can buy choice. to me, money is nothing but the ability to afford more choices. there is nothing wrong in wanting to lead a simple life. but there is something wrong if we are not contented with leading a simple life, and yet we say we want to lead a simple life. to me, wealth is simply a life without financial worries. imagine life without having to worry about how to foot all kinds of bills, all kinds of loans from the bank, all kinds of insurance premiums, all kinds of education. imagine life with a freedom of choice. to be able to choose what kind of house you want your parents to live in. to be able to choose what kind of supper you want to treat your friends to. that is wealth. that is what i think everyone wishes for.

if we pursue our dreams without making sure that we have already made our parents stop worrying about us, i think we are unfilial. we have to pay a price when we pursue our dreams. it may not be in monetary terms. nevertheless, can we afford to pursue our dreams? what is wealth to us? while i adjourn to my most comfortable bed, i leave everyone who’s reading this blog post to think about these questions

it must’ve been 4 months since i last touched my clarinet! it feels great to play music again. although i’m super rusty right now. haha. i need to practise harder! will not let go off my passion. i have already come so far; all the hard work i’ve put in, all the hours of practise and all my lessons with mr png. yes, it’s about time i took my diploma. grade 8 was last year. i’ll take this year to improve my clarinet playing. i must keep my passion going! time to go back to NUSWS! haha.

oh yeah! speedy gonzales is on his crazy run again! i wonder when was the last time i ran so much? haha. it was fun man, it was really fun. i feel so good today! so productive. was in NUS at 8:30am (late for lecture, oops?), then studied all the way after my lecture right up till 5:30pm, my meal break. of course i did lunch too la. haha. i’m not some deity, u know.

soccer was a great workout. and it felt especially good cos i know i’ve worked really hard today and i deserved the great workout! i was really running all over the place and putting my whole heart and soul into playing. it feels great! now i know how josh feels when he really tries. respect, bro, respect.

will perform tmr with changkat changi band! so happy. haven’t been playing for ages! will be really happy tmr. haven’t seen them in a while too! will enjoy myself. haha.

thanks for the help, mandy! but i think i do need more help with EL2102…. haha. i’m crazy already. sleep!

it’s been 1 month already and still i haven’t solved all the problems. still have something lost in the mail, still stuck with an extra hp line, still waiting for my pay. i think i’m going to starve for the next few days man. can’t believe something so small have to be mailed over to me by someone else instead of meeting me in person to pass it to me. is it that inconvenient?

presentation today! dunno why i was so nervous during the presentation. i was rather well prepared for the presentation, but i was still nervous. hmmm…. maybe it was spongebob. haha. i’m not making sense. or am i? haha.

couldn’t consult mandy about my english language modules. will wait till tmr. it’s been a while since i last studied alone in the library, and i actually did it twice this week! i’m so proud of myself. i’d better keep up the work man. exam’s in 2 weeks time and i’m hardly prepared. or am i? surprisingly i almost finished revisions for 2 modules already. am i complacent? oh well, better don’t think so much and just do whatever i can. studies are of utmost importance right now.

will study hard and play hard tmr. gambatte.

efficiency is achieving good productivity in a short period of time. efficiency is finishing the entire module’s readings in 4 hours. efficiency is also extremely tiring. efficiency is falling asleep while typing this…… this…… ZZzzzZZZZzzzzz……

other than being fast, i have no other contribution to today’s friendly match la. haha. but i got complimented for being fast! yay! so happy. maybe i shouldn’t be so happy. we lost 6-2! argh. josh was super disappointed with himself man. but well, i can’t blame him too. the defence wasn’t there when we needed to count on them.

but let me gloat over the praises first. haha. yay!

fighting for the player of the month award with the telok group? haha. i have no idea. just doing my best! saw 5 shots rack the goalposts and 4 shots on target cleared by the defenders. argh. should really learn to make full use of my scoring opportunities. not that i’m not trying or i didn’t aim. just unlucky? or just lousy? haha. doesn’t matter…. i enjoyed myself!

so fast. it’s been 7 years since the incident. tmr is your death anniversary. yes, i still remember you running beside me, cheering me on, inspiring me to persevere till the end of the race. even though you already ran a 400m hurdles event with me. with your inspiration, i finished the race without tripping over the hurdles which were too high for my height. my friend, i really missed you. we really missed you. you have been part of what inspires me on all these years. it’s almost like you’ve never left us; like you’re always making sure that we’ll be fine.

life goes on! however much shit fate has already shoved in my face (measured in gallons), i’m still moving forward! bro is back from hospital and sleeping soundly on my bed. finally mum can rest well! i’m planning my study timetable for next 2 weeks. exams soon! i’ll be well prepared this time. must get help from the people who know what they are doing. hehe. leveraging man.

"two roads diverged in a wood,
i took the one less travelled
and that made all the difference"      - Robert Frost